It's Time

So for the last say, 7 months that I have known that I was going to be going to Zambia this summer, it hasn't really hit me that I'll be spending 5 1/2 weeks in AFRICA. It's not just a fantasy anymore, but it's real! I don't usually get afraid of flying and traveling (I mean I think airplane turbulence is fun, it's a "roller coaster")...But that changed this morning, because it hit me this morning that in less than 48 hours, I will be flying half-way around the world BY MYSELF! The thought both thrills and terrifies me. But I'm flying home, to Zambia, and that thought eliminates all fear and completely exhilarates me! I cannot wait to be back among the people I love, in the country that feels so much like home, and hugging those precious little orphans that I am CONVINCED are God's angels.

Since I've been before you would think I'd know a little more about what to expect this time around, but it turns out that preparing to live for 5 1/2 weeks in a third world country is very challenging. There are so many little things to remember. I mean, I'm flying to the land of poisonous snakes, malaria, typhoid, and hepatitis...try to imagine just the medicine alone I have to have! Slowly but surely I've been rounding it all together and getting it all packed. The problem is that there isn't exactly a Wal-Mart in Zambia. If I forget something, I just get to be super resourceful and figure it out. Every time I have a slight panic attack about forgetting something important, I remind myself that the Zambians probably live just fine without the specific "thing" I might forget. I remind myself that they probably don't have the luxury of having Advil for a bad headache or Luna Bars for "extra snacks." They live amongst a lot more germs than I do and survive, and since we're all humans so I constantly remind myself that I will probably survive too without all of my American luxuries that I have convinced myself are actually necessities. And then I get a big reality check. My sweet little Violet doesn't even know what an airplane looks like, yet I'm about to fly for 22 hours on one for probably the fortieth time in my life. If I want candy I just have to go buy some, but an apple and a tootsie roll at the end of the day is a treat to Violet...in fact, dinner isn't even always a promise to the over one million orphans that live in Zambia. Talk about perspective.

All that to say, this is truly one of the most nerve-wracking and most wonderful mixes of emotions ever. I am so blessed to have the life I have. The great thing about 5 1/2 weeks is that I get the opportunity to truly establish some relationships there. Instead of the "Hello" on Monday and "Goodbye" on Friday, I get to have a very long "Hello." I will get to have real relationships with the people that already have such a huge place in my heart. And so, my stuff is all packed, and my heart feels prepared...Not prepared with knowing what's to come, but prepared with a peace and ready-ness to see God's love in a huge way this summer. This summer has been off to an interesting start for me, but I can truly say that God has had a reason for all of it. I know God is in control, and I know He has so much to teach me this summer about how all-encompassing His loving arms are. It's time for me to go be with my King in a country that I know has a special place in His heart. I feel honored that He has shared an important piece of His heart with mine. My Daddy is taking me to work with Him, and I know it is going to be an experience that I will remember forever. IT'S TIME!!!

Life's Little Pokes

"You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is FULLNESS OF JOY; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore." -Psalm 16:11


"The more we get what we now call 'ourselves' out of the way and let Him take us over, the more truly ourselves we become." -C.S. Lewis


C.S. Lewis certainly is a wise man! I read this quote today and it hit home. I would say that it perfectly sums up what I am learning right now: How I can let the Lord take over my life and my being, and then finding out more of who I am because of that. I am realizing that the Lord always gives us choices in life. He is bigger than us picking wrong, but he certainly lets us choose, and sometimes the choice to follow Him is a hard one. Sometimes what we want does not match up with what the Holy Spirit dwelling within us is prodding us with. But I don't want to ever live with the regret of not following the Lord's "poking." 


Isn't if funny that we use that term on Facebook and don't even think about the implications of that word? A poke is just a tiny nudge, much like what God lets the Holy Spirit do for us. So often in today's world He doesn't come down speaking in a pillar of fire, but instead gives us little "pokes" to guide us in our decision making. We don't have to follow the nudging, and honestly we may not even feel it if we aren't walking closely with the Lord, striving to see His plan for our lives. 


But recently, I was blessed to feel a little poke from above and by the grace of God, I followed this time. I am such a sinner, so unworthy of the Lord's grace and I mess up so often, but on this particular Friday God gave me the strength to follow his poke. It has put my life on a path that I never expected to be on, a path with some major mountains that I have to climb that are too steep for my insignificant self. In face right now, they seem downright daunting. But you see, my God CREATED those mountains that I see as impossible. And He alone knows the blessings that await as I walk over that rocky terrain, closer to His face and nearer to His heart. So I pray that He literally carries me right now, holding and guiding me, helping me navigate the treacherous slopes in front of me. These steps are going to teach me about the FULLNESS OF JOY, because as I walk towards Him, hopefully I will lose more of who I am and become more enraptured in His presence and grace. As that happens, I will become more whole than I ever was on my own. Those unique personality quirks and strengths that He has entrusted to my soul will be utilized for His glory and not my own, and suddenly I will be more myself than I ever have been simply because He is shining through my life, just like He originally intended before the fall of man. That is the real fullness of joy. My prayer is that I am constantly close enough to his heart to feel his "pokes" that will lead me towards the fullness of joy. The fullness of HIS joy. What a crazy adventure I have before me!

Wondrous Love

In the Shadow of Your Wings

A Prayer of David.

17:1 Hear a just cause, O Lord; attend to my cry!
Give ear to my prayer from lips free of deceit!
2 From your presence let my vindication come!
Let your eyes behold the right!

3 You have tried my heart, you have visited me by night,
you have tested me, and you will find nothing;
I have purposed that my mouth will not transgress.
4 With regard to the works of man, by the word of your lips
I have avoided the ways of the violent.
5 My steps have held fast to your paths;
my feet have not slipped.

6 I call upon you, for you will answer me, O God;
incline your ear to me; hear my words.
7 Wondrously show your steadfast love,
O Savior of those who seek refuge
from their adversaries at your right hand.

8 Keep me as the apple of your eye;
hide me in the shadow of your wings,
9 from the wicked who do me violence,
my deadly enemies who surround me.

10 They close their hearts to pity;
with their mouths they speak arrogantly.
11 They have now surrounded our steps;
they set their eyes to cast us to the ground.
12 He is like a lion eager to tear,
as a young lion lurking in ambush.

13 Arise, O Lord! Confront him, subdue him!
Deliver my soul from the wicked by your sword,
14 from men by your hand, O Lord,
from men of the world whose portion is in this life.
You fill their womb with treasure; 
they are satisfied with children,
and they leave their abundance to their infants.

15 As for me, I shall behold your face in righteousness;
when I awake, I shall be satisfied with your likeness.

The title of this psalm pretty much sums it all up. What could be more comforting than a song entitled "In the Shadow of Your Wings"? No matter what the storm, I can rest in the fact that I am ALWAYS in the shadow of an Almighty Savior's wings. He sees all, he knows all, he understands all. I am reminded of His love and His promises as I read this. I know He will never leave or forsake me. 

As I read this passage, one line sticks out to me. The last time I went to Zambia, I didn't really know what I was getting myself into and didn't really know what to be praying for. So I chose to pray one line in the song "Hosanna" by Hillsong United. It is my favorite line in a song because it seems to sum up all that we should pray as Christians. So, the first night in Zambia without knowing what the next 8 days had in store for me, I prayed "Lord, break my heart for what breaks Yours." I had know idea the depth to which I would get to see how the Lord's heart breaks for orphans over the next 8 days, and at moments the pain of the brokenness there was too much to bear. But God never gives you more than you can handle, and I learned so much about the heart of God during that week in Zambia. I think praying over one line that encompasses a lot helps me to be open to what the Lord has for me, yet allows me to be specific in my prayer preparation for going to Zambia because I always can associate that one-line prayer with going. Today, while reading Psalm 17, I realized that my prayer this summer was going to be, "God, WONDROUSLY show your STEADFAST love." I mean that in all senses. I want God to wondrously show me how He loves poor little orphans. I want him to show me how He wondrously loves such a broken place. But most of all, I want Him to show me how He wondrously loves me. 

Zambia is home for me, a place of belonging and purpose for me. I am so excited to see how much and how deeply my Savior WONDROUSLY LOVES.